To blog or not to blog... You get the reference.

Pork Night has already addressed our conversation from last night.
Conversation

Also, Arnie addressed his blog on his blog…
a year following the break up

(You will hear the word blog about a million times during this post. I’m sorry.)

A fellow improviser I do not know personally, Arnie, had a break up with the woman he was going to marry. He decided to write a blog about the healing process every day for an entire year, at which point he then gave it up. I found out about this blog very late in its life span. Once I started reading it, though, I really couldn’t stop. I would spend all day reading it at work, letting my filing pile up to read more of this boy’s heart felt healing process. What I love so much about it is how honest it is. It is sweet and reflective and real. I didn’t know this kid, but I fell in love with his honesty. I think Arnie’s blog birthed a whole nation of bloggers inspired by his accounts.

Bird-o: Mrs. Florida keeps discussing her divorce from Mr. Florida on her Myspace blog.
(This was not something he thought was appropriate)

Blondie: Oh, what?... are you gonna run home and put this conversation on your blog?
(This was not something she thought was very cool)

I get that what I do is completely self-absorbed and stilted in every way.
I get that blogs are geeky.
I get that this is selfish and over dramatic and that I’m completely emotional and sappy and at times this blog is just me getting off on airing dirty laundry.

I really don’t give a fuck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

When all this shit happened to me, I felt like I was drowning.
I didn’t really know how to deal with it.
All I knew was that I kept hyperventilating crying... constantly
and I wanted to get past that point.

I thought that writing would help me to focus my thoughts and feelings in a way that I could start to sort them out since at the time they were suffocating me.

“What is my identity now, if it is not half of a relationship with Mr. 9?”

I am not ashamed of what happens in my life.
I do not regret anything I have ever done, nor will I going forward as a promise to myself.
I am going to die really soon and I don’t have a lot of time to waste on stupid shit like that.
Nothing in my blog is anything I wouldn’t talk to you about on the street.
I leave those things alone.

I could write in a diary.
But I think that we have to reach out to each other.
We are all going die...very soon.
So why can’t we help each other to make it an easier journey until we do?
I can’t expect people to open up to me.
I can only lead by example.
Hopefully people will feel loved and return that love to me.

Honesty has never come so easily to me.
I have found a greater patience for the world, because I know now that the journey through it is the beautiful part of being alive.
Sometimes the journey really fucking sucks, so we have to build bridges to from one tar pit to the next so we don’t sink.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

I imagine that it was awesome for Arnie…
To hear from his friends that they loved his blog
That they understood where he was coming from
That his feelings were justified and that they were there to support him
That he wasn’t alone, even if he felt like he was
and that love exists in all forms

Arnie,
I loved your blog
I understand where you are coming from
Your feelings are justified and even though I have never met you,
I am here to support you
and if you ever need anything you can call me any time
You are not alone, even if you feel like you are
and love exists in all forms
Including the love between two humans who don’t know each other but who have the guts to share an intimate experience with each other because fear is not as scary as death

You are going to die really soon.
Let’s be nicer to each other.
I hope you find zen.
I love you.