Just run away

Me – Even though you dated this guy for a year, you still consider it a rebound relationship?
Heat – Well, yeah. That’s just what it is.

Me – But you dated him for a year.
Heat – It doesn’t matter how long it lasts. If you date someone immediately after a breakup, that’s a rebound. It’s not good or bad, it just is. That’s just the definition of a rebound. I mean unless you get married to the guy, it’s going to end… eventually. That’s just how it goes.

I felt my stomach sink.
It all seems so hard.
It felt like she was telling me all flirtations are doomed.
No hope of love in the future for you.
Any relationship you start now WILL end.
Sooner or later, but most likely sooner.
I hate to lose things.

Heat – They start fast and heavy. That’s what rebounds do. Suddenly you are like a sex demon, a real man eater. You are reminded that you are not dead down there. But they burn real quick and fade fast. Cause it’s filling a hole. It’s patching something you need to cover. But they usually don’t last.
Me – Yeah. That's really a downer.

I feel really lost these days.
I am trying to be independent and stoic,
But I keep falling into doubt.
Keep running to what feels good.
Which maybe isn’t good for me.

I wish I could just be single and happy for my freedom.
But, it’s really harder than it looks.
I want to get good at it, so I don’t frown.
It’s all new worries
The rules are all changed.
I am leaving for Montana tonight.
I will be gone a long time.
I couldn’t be happier.