We're all gonna die, but until then why do we have to be so unhappy?

This is a conversation I had with two girlfriends last night.
They are both gorgeous women.
They both make a ridiculous amount of money and one of them even owns her own business.
They are both hilarious comedians.
They both have a lot of interesting hobbies and are way super smart.

I don’t get it.
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G1: I think I am going through a severe depression these days.
G2: I know what you mean. I can’t stop crying.
Me: I know that feeling.

G2: My therapist put me on these pills to try to pull me out of it. I hate my body, I hate myself.
Me: Wow.
G2: It's true.
G1: To be fair, you’re going through a breakup, that’s hard. I mean you were together a year.
G2: Yeah, but this started months ago.
G1: My therapist just came right out and said that I was clinically depressed the other night. I didn’t disagree.
Me: Does everyone have a therapist?
G1: I’ve been seeing mine for years.
G2: Yeah, Me too.

G2: I never really noticed how depressed I was before when I lived with other people. Because I’m in a service job, I’m always emotionally putting myself out there for people at work and then I either have a gig or a rehearsal after work, so I still have to find that positive energy as a performer even if I don’t have it as a person, and then when I go home, I keep that face on for the people that I live with. When I started living by myself, I just started crying… all the time… mostly because I could… finally.
Me: I'm finally at a place where I can be home alone and not be drunk.
G1: I drink alot at home by myself too.

(Now after one beer she is sobbing at the table. I am holding her arm and trying to help, but feeling lost)

G1: None of my friends are around anymore, because they are all obsessed with their new marriages or babies and I’m just that crazy single friend.
Me: I hate that you compare your life to your friends. You’re doing awesome things. Your life is great. You own your own business and it’s doing amazing! Look at you, you’re awesome! You own your own house… in the city for Christ’s sake!
G1: I just never thought I’ld be this old and alone. I’m so bitter it’s sick.

(Now the other one is crying too.)
G2: I just want someone to come home to every night. Why is that so much to ask?
Me: I hate that we feel so bad without boys. Double Gemini wants to set me up with his friend. She’s a DJ.
G1: Is she a flat out lesbian?
Me: Yup. I didn't ask him to, he's just obsessed with the idea of me dating a lady.
G1: Bad news. If you’re gonna experiment to have a little fun, go ahead, but you don’t want to get into a relationship with a girl, you’re not gay.
Me: I know. But I’m sick of boys. I’m sick of thinking about them all the damn time. It takes too much energy.
G2: It’s not easier. It’s the same.
Me: I know.
G1: I wouldn’t mind changing it up a bit. But I know I can never love a woman like a man. Sex is one thing, but I’m wired for boys.
Me: I know, but it's hard for me too, becuase my relationship with Mr. 9 was aweseome. He told me everything. How he was feeling and all that. So when I have to guess what boys are thinking it feels real hard.
G1: Well he didn't tell you everything. I mean he didn't mention that he wasn't in love with you anymore. He didn't tell you he liked another girl. He's not that great.
Me: Yeah, I know. boys are dumb.

G1: I know.
G2: I know.
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I feel like everyone in the world is f’d up because of what our fathers did to us.
That’s a copout.
But also… I know a lot of people who are real depressed right now and their doctor’s tell them they have these issues with their father they haven’t worked out yet.
Boys and girls I know.
My father left when I was three.
He used to get real violent with my mom and was a raging alcoholic.
I do not consider him my father.
I consider him the sperm donor that helped make me.
I have no desire to meet him, find him, or even know if he exists.
He is just another person in the world if he does.
I really don’t have any problems with him.
I have moved on…. Oh yeah, except that I have severe abandonment issues with men.
Did I mention that?

I’m sick of all my friends feeling bad about themselves because a boy is not telling them how great they are.
I’m not sick of hearing about it, or sharing experiences...
I’m sick of seeing my friends cry.
I also have no advice to give any of these ladies that makes it better.
If anything, my advice is null and void because I was in a relationship for so long and don't know anything about the real trials and tribulations of dating.
I’m telling my friends how great they are, but that doesn’t hit the same.
I want to see the people I love happy.
Happy…. It’s such a weird word now.
(Pass the pills please.)


There was a time, when I was alone.
It was fine.
I didn’t care.
I was happy to work on me.

To all my ladies….
I love you.
We’re gonna be okay.
But we have to believe that…. Seriously.
Until then, you know where to find me for beers.