Jokes on me

Well, they did it.
Feeling like I might cry at work again.
Went weeks without this feeling.
Now it’s back.
Good job everybody.
We’re really working it out.
Look how strong I am.
It’s such a joke.

This weekend was Huston’s birthday.
I called him to say “Hi”.
Left a message.
Never heard back.
I knew there would be a celebration.
Of course there’s gonna be a celebration.
I found out through a friend’s blog that there was indeed a celebration.
Needless to say, I wasn’t invited.
I mean I’ve only known this kid for 6 years,
But that’s how it fucking goes.
I get the axe.
Well happy birthday everyone.
It’s not his fault.
That’s just how it goes.
I’m sure it’s just easier for everyone this way…
Fuck this shit.

I have a list of friends that don’t call me anymore since the breakup.
I don’t get emails from them.
That list keeps growing.
It feels awesome. (That’s sarcasm...duh)
I didn’t expect it to hurt so much but I just feel like I keep getting kicked in the guts.
And I fucking ask you…
What did I do to deserve all this bullshit?
Did I not give love to that asshole?
No one asked me what I thought about all this.
Was I not open to communication?
Ug!
I am so sick of feeling bad.
I’m so sick of finding out secondhand.
I’m so sick of pity eyes.
I’m so sick of “Yeah, we should really hang out….sometime”
I am so sick of taking a step forward to take two steps back.

Wanted to go to the Skald…
Love the Skald.
Couldn’t go to the Skald,
Cause MR. 9’s a fucking judge at the Skald.
Mr. 9 got to know Don while Don was directing our show.
And Mr. 9 was asked to judge because Don, like everyone else, wants a piece of Mr. 9.

I have heard in the past three months…
“Being with you is like being with a buddy, not a girlfriend”…
Well I’m sorry.
I thought love was built on a mutual friendship and respect.
I guess girlfriends are only bodies to have sex with.
That’s what I’m learning.

“ I only want to have sex if there is an agreement that there is no emotional connection”…
I’m sorry... what?!
How can you possibly have sex without an emotional connection?
Sure sometimes it’s just fun to bone,
but can there really be absolutely no emotional attachment?
Are we robots?!
Seriously are we?
If we are please pull my plug.

“True love was invented by the movies. People buy into it but I don’t believe in it”
Man, that’s makes me feel so sad.


People are so sad.
Let’s just be nicer to each other and not be so fucking afraid.
I have a lot of love. I really do.
If no one wants it, that’s fine.
I’ll keep it for myself and roll around in it like Scrooge McDuck in his gold reserve.
Or I'll just give any I was saving up for a rainy day to those that already deserve it.
I feel sick.
Venus lady... more love for you.
Sean Gardner... Even if the audience doesn't laugh, I think you're hilarious. more love for you.
Sydwynder... more love for you.
Jarheads21... come move me to LA, more love for you.

Wow, this post is really angry and sad.
I swear I'm not this bitter.
It’s okay.
I guess I had it coming since things have seemed so good.
That's life bitches.
#2... You feel great. You are strong. You will die way too soon to feel bad about anything.