Camping is awesome, weddings are not.

(ed and d-bar doing mad teamwork to "Leave no trace")














(misty road at 6 am)














(fire is a rainbow!)













(kick ass pic of D-bar and his lady. We got sun by the lake.)













(Mmmmm, woods. Can you smell em?)









Venus – Are you okay honey?
Me – Yeah.

Venus – Oh, cause you sound like you’re crying.
Me – I am.

I was.
At first it was cause I was so happy for her,
but then it turned into that sad cry where my shoulders bounce.
I looked up and Kris, who I had just met 15 minutes ago, and who was walking towards me.
I was standing, one hand on the phone, the other on a shopping cart full of water and s’mores ingredients.
When Kris noticed I was crying, she turned on both heals and made a b-line for the magazine rack.

Venus – Honey, I don’t want you to cry.
Me – No, I know. I’m really okay. Really I am. I don’t understand why my body cries without me. I’m really happy for you guys. I really am.

Venus got proposed to on Friday.
It was her and her beau’s 3 year anniversary.
They went out to dinner.
She got the ring in her dessert.
I was the very first person she called to tell.
I WAS happy for her.

Venus – You’re still crying. I don’t want you to cry in the middle of the supermarket.
Me – It’s okay, I’m used to crying in public now.
Venus – Maybe hearing about a happy relationship isn’t what you need right now.
Me – You’re crazy. I’m fine. I love you.

I don’t even believe in marriage.
I think it’s stupid.
I think rings are stupid.
I never wanted to marry Mr. 9.
I never want to marry.
I can’t tell if I was crying because secretly my heart and body want all that even though my mind doesn’t, or if I was crying because I’ve done so much of it lately that now any cry will just turn into that sad uncontrollable cry out of reflex memory.

Its official… all my friends are getting married.
They’re paired off and falling in a row, lining up to walk down the isle.
This means; lots of Clark parties next year where I will have to see Mr. 9 and act like everything is fine, getting drunk and trying not to think about the fact that all my memories of these people are built around my relationship with Mr. 9, and finding a SUPER HOT-ROD SEX GOD to come with me so that I can have someone to carry me home when I pass out after drinking a whole bottle of rum screaming like a banshee about lost trust and puking in my hair.
Oh boy, I’m scared.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Went camping this weekend in Wisconsin.
It was so super fun and I got to bond with a lot of new people.
Dunbar, Kate, Fred, Ed, Susi, and Kris.
I was worried cause it was gonna be 3 couples and me.
I didn’t even notice.
Once Dunbar and his lady got out of the city, they stopped nitpicking each other.
It was great fun.

I have been real camping before.
Like buck knife, portaging, only pack what you can carry, and shoot a flare if you get hurt cause you canoed 100 miles from the nearest road kind of camping.
I took Mr. 9 to the Boundary Waters up near Canada for a week in the absolute wilderness.
My cousins came too.
My family loved him.
The lakes are unspoiled and so clean you can drink straight from them in places.
We trolled for bluegill and swam with the loons.
It’s sad to think that all these great memories are worthless now.

Anyway, this was not that kind of camping.
This was too much food, campfire drinking, air mattress, let's drive 5 minutes to the corner store cause this instant coffee sucks, don’t eat the fish cause of mercury camping.

I love to be in the woods.
It makes me feel strong.
Watching people’s demeanors change in the trees is amazing.
Everyone just settles into a much mellower version of themselves.
City life can really tug at your anxieties.

I often think that if I didn’t have aspirations to be an actor, I could see myself moving to Minnesota to set up a gear shop.
Selling leeches and teaching people the J stroke on a canoe paddle.
Taking pictures of kids who caught their first Walleye.
Picking wild raspberries for breakfast and hiking through birch.
It would be great.

I get to go to Montana this weekend.
With the snakes.
I can’t wait.
Third year in a row.
I get to see Dry Gultch.
I feel sick waiting to be there.