Crime and punishment

(These flowers look like they wanna bust out of this fence. I know how they feel)





I have a new punishment routine now where I try to recreate the elation of getting rid of a headache.
To me the best feeling is when you have a headache or cramps and then you take some Aleve or Tylenol and after the medicine takes affect there is a moment when you realize the pain is gone.
It only lasts a short second and after you go about your life forgeting the pain was ever there not appreciating your own health.
But in that second of conscious thankfulness for being healed you feel warm all over as you just soak in the feeling of NOT having pain.

I have a bad new habit of drinking a lot of alcohol.
Mostly the hard stuff.
It feels great to wake up too early with a hangover;
dehydration jamming a pin in your brain, tired muscles tight and achy.
Then take medicine, drink a half a gallon of water, take a shit and go back to sleep.
When you wake up the second time your body is healed and warm.
The pain is gone and you feel great.

The more booze I drink the more I have to sweat.
I love to sweat.
It is life, life, life.
When you are having sex with someone and you slip on each other’s sweat…yum.
If I had a hard time waking up because I stayed up too late, I will make a point to push it out harder during cardio.
I love the point of the run where you’re only half way through and your body is struggling for air and it kind of hurts mentally to keep going but you do it anyway.
Then when you are finished you feel like you are walking on air and the pain is gone.

This has become the basis for my new obsession with hotbox yoga.
It’s so hot.
There are times when I feel like I may pass out.
I get dizzy.
I sweat, sweat, sweat until my body is glass.
There are positions that make me want to cry, and I do.
It lasts forever and the willpower it takes not to just give up is a bucket load.
Then when you are done you feel calm and strong.

My favorite thing about yoga is what it does to your body.
It gives you strong even muscles, tight skin, and soft soft belly.
When we lie on the ground in rest position on our tummies and turn our heads to the left,
I can study the bodies of those laying next to me without them knowing it.
Curvy ladies and quiet strong men.
Their bodies are wringing out toxins through open pores and they rise and fall on hot breath.
I always fall in love.
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How yoga is like getting dumped:

The beginning is the hardest part.
You can not find your breath.
Your body muscles are tight and tired and you cannot see the end.
There are times when you want to cry.
Just when you think you have found your balance, you lose focus of mind and fall out.
There are tons of people in this room with you but you feel very alone.
Someone is standing in the back of the room shouting out directions on what to do and giving advice.
There are moments of true clarity.
These moments are then ushered out by moments of real struggle and the thought “Can I do this?”
Sometimes you feel dizzy.
Just when you think you can’t go on anymore, your mind just starts thinking about jamba juice and suddenly you’re not that upset.
You start to become more and more adept at accepting how hot it is and you can feel your muscles loosening and widening.
Those sit-ups they make you do over and over are way easy now and you can reach super far past your own toes.
You become very happy at the idea that you are almost at the end and you haven’t died.
You feel exhausted emotionally and physically.
But your mind is still.
Some time after it’s all over you nourish yourself with food and love and you feel light and free.