Boys are cool, except when they suck.

(pictures taken during a great snake caper in 2004)






Since the recent breakup with Mr. 9, I can't stop thinking about my high school boyfriend.
He was the first kid who ever made me feel femanine.
I mean I was always kind of.... fat growing up.
And so to survive the ridicule, I had to put on a strong face and beat the bullies at their own game.
I got real good at wise cracks in class.
I told the best dirty jokes,
I played awesome pranks,
I could spit, clean my own fish, and even though I was fat, fences never kept me out.
I was always up for a dare or a challenge and got caught:
once peeing standing up in the boy's bathroom
once leaving a fire of burning toilet paper in the girl's bathroom that smoldered so bad the entire school had to be evacuated,
once drinking beers with Stephanie during 2nd period
and many many times skipping class to go smoke butts, drive around with Jarrod listening to guitar music, or just shoot it.
(There were lots of times I didn't get caught, but there's no use in devulging them here)
And if you wanted to hang out with someone who didn't mind playing star wars in the woods and loved/loves comic books, I'm your guy.

So the first time I got kissed by this fool was like someone
slapping me across the face with my own vagina.
He was a full grown Don Juan at 15.
I was completely aware of it for the first time.
He knew how to kiss you to make your guts sink.
Previous wimpy guys had slobbered on me like a fish and made me just feel wierd.
With Don Juan it was easy to feel light and pretty.

I still like being one of the guys.
It's fun to swear and fart and drink.
Most of my best friends in the world are guys.
I used to sleep at Jarrod's house almost every weekend in the same bed and smoke butts and play darts
and we'd eat off the same plate and make home rock videos together.
Sydwynder loves to tell me about all the girls he's boned
and nothing makes me laugh harder than when he grosses me out by scrunching up his face to show me what it looks like when he's pantomiming ramming it in the latest conquest.
Patty Duke and I can talk for hours about the mechanics of stand up
and he once won my admiration and never ending disgust when he told me that his first sexual encounter was a one night stand with a 40 year old woman who he finger banged in a booth at the local Pepper Corns and later that same night balled in the butt.
I cherish their honesty with me.
And they never play emotional games or feel threatened by me.
My best girl friends are sort of masculine in that way.

When Mr. 9 broke up with me he told me that he didn't feel like I was his girlfriend anymore,
just a really good buddy.
When he said that I felt like a 10 year old tom boy.

Joan Jett is the perfect woman.
She's scary tough and could probably beat you up.
but damn if you don't want to fuck her.