Just bone as much as you can

I recently had a conversation with a friend, T:

Me – The night he broke up with me, I was little bit tipsy and I started crying and screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of the street.
T – I’ve screamed before. Uncontrollably and in public.
Me – it feels weird to be that out of control.
T – I don’t think my boyfriend would ever get mad like that at me.
Me – It would be too uncool.
T- Yeah, no one looks cool when they’re expending that much energy being mad.

That was the only time I ever yelled at Mr. 9 so over-dramatically.
Except one other night when he was already staying somewhere else.
I had two weeks until I moved out.
He just showed up.
He thought I had rehearsal.
I was at the point in the breakup where I was trying to convince myself that I was getting over him.
You know, the false front stage.
So, I hear his voice in the hallway from my room.
I could just feel my whole face get flush.
I tried to be so cool.
I called forth all the cool I had in my being.
But instead of tunneling the energy into a zen, I laser-beamed it into a hot rage freakout.
I just threw open the door and before I knew it these terrible words were coming out of my mouth.
All in a very uncool tone, that took a lot of energy to produce.
I’m pretty sure you could call it screaming-crying.
It wasn’t pretty, it was almost funny.
And I was almost not believing it myself.
So out of control.
So relentless.
I had been called a drama queen once before by Ricochet... that stung,
and I know sometimes I get a little over emotional,
but I had actually become the crazy, unreasonable person that was justifying any reason he didn’t love me anymore.
It felt unnatural.
But at the time, it’s what my body needed to do.
I don't forsee myself going to that place again.
It's so unattractive.

Advice I have gotten at different points since the breakup:

You’ve never been alone before, you should take advantage of that.

You should have a series of 2 to 3 month relationships with a bunch of random guys in a row.

Just bone… as much as you can.